11/13

Sometimes I think timing is worth paying attention to. When my sweet mother in law passed away, she'd lingered in hospice for nearly two days. Right after she passed, within minutes, my father-in law's parish priest walked through the door. He was only coming to check on the family. But why then? Why at that exact moment?

I think we do have to pay attention to timing in our lives. And, right now, I am finding it sad and notable that on the day I finally get my act together to begin compiling my spiritual journey through this medium the news breaks about the terrorist attacks in Paris.

I don't understand.

I don't understand how people take faith in God and use it to justify horrible things. And don't misunderstand me, I believe that when this happens it is a perversion of true faith.

Things like this often make nonbelievers point to religion as something inherently harmful. But it's not. Violence and murder happen in every human context there is, as horrific as that is to acknowledge. Any time there is a separation from our true identities as the children of love itself, we stop seeing the intrinsic value of every other human being. We fall into the trap that pits 'us' against 'them'. And it's such an easy trap to fall into. I like to think that most of us, when we inevitably do make 'others' out of certain people, need only feel one tiny tug of compassion, that will immediately remind us of what makes us the same. He sneezes. She laughs. He does something so quintessentially human that it's impossible not to see him for who he is. A brother.

I think the terrorists who did these unspeakable things tonight, for whatever complicated reason, have removed themselves too far from their true identities. They are walking in the darkness that is the absence of God. They turned their backs on love. I don't pretend to understand the politics of how a group like the one that perpetuated these attacks comes to exist. I try to understand the best that I can but all too often my own anxiety stops me from delving too deeply. But I do know that they don't represent the faith they claim to be killing for. I know that much.

My husband is supposed to go to Poland next year with his father and some extended family. In fact, the whole trip is happening as a result of my husband's diligent genealogical research. I loathe that these people make me afraid for him to go.

These moments do try a person of faith. I'm heartbroken. I'm angry. Just like everyone else. But I have to hold on to the belief that the world is still good. Blind fools walking in darkness do not speak for humanity. Parisians opening their doors to those who needed shelter in the chaos...that speaks for humanity. That is who we are.